It is hard for me to believe that I have not posted anything since May! 2015 has been the shortest year of my life. I feel like just yesterday I was returning from Myanmar and starting my year back home. Almost everyday when I look at the calendar I am thinking "NO it cannot possible be (fill in month here)" but indeed it is really SEPTEMBER and I cannot even believe it. This year has been good, and hard. January until mid-June was a blur of work and internship and writing papers. The rest of summer was just filled with finishing two more (and FINAL) grad school classes. Since finally finishing grad school I feel like all I have done is work and stare at Netflix, I cannot even tell you what I watched because I had so little brain energy I don't remember, I need to re-watch House of Cards because I vaguely recall watching that show but couldn't tell you what it was about except nasty politicians...but I mean honestly I am not sure I will have more to offer after actually watching the show. Now that I have quit (insert "trying to" before quit) watching too much Netflix because I feel the fog of grad school lifting I am trying to jump back into reading. I bought approximately 1 million books during grad school and read approximately 2 of them because...text books.
When I take a minute to look over the last few months instead of marveling at it already being September I can see that so much good has happened. I FINISHED graduate school! I don't think I bask in that enough. My sweet friend and I grew our ministry to reach more women working in the sex industry in our community. We are taking more amazing, Jesus loving women in to clubs to show His love to more women! That's incredible! I need to bask in that more. God has grown me and shaped me in the last few months and few years. I get caught up in the yuck of life and I forget to stop and look at where I was and where He has brought me. I might have a long way to go, but He is changing me and growing me everyday. I do not pay enough attention to this growth though. I speed through a daily Bible reading. I show up to small group, I show up to work, I get a little more focused and I head to the clubs. I am so BUSY. I love everything I do, but I get overwhelmed. I cannot continue to change if I resist change. It isn't even really a resistance though as much as an apathy. I want to just get through the day. I want to do my work, my ministry, and then get home and think about reading a book but watching Gilmore Girl's for the 1,000,000th time instead. I want to to do the work, but then I am too tired to work on myself. Then I am tired and overwhelmed and cranky. Then I am showing up but I am not necessarily helping anyone. And this cycle continues until I am totally spent.
Simply, I get so caught up in doing His work that I forget to just be loved by Him. I am no good at sharing His love if I am empty of His love.
When I take a minute to look over the last few months instead of marveling at it already being September I can see that so much good has happened. I FINISHED graduate school! I don't think I bask in that enough. My sweet friend and I grew our ministry to reach more women working in the sex industry in our community. We are taking more amazing, Jesus loving women in to clubs to show His love to more women! That's incredible! I need to bask in that more. God has grown me and shaped me in the last few months and few years. I get caught up in the yuck of life and I forget to stop and look at where I was and where He has brought me. I might have a long way to go, but He is changing me and growing me everyday. I do not pay enough attention to this growth though. I speed through a daily Bible reading. I show up to small group, I show up to work, I get a little more focused and I head to the clubs. I am so BUSY. I love everything I do, but I get overwhelmed. I cannot continue to change if I resist change. It isn't even really a resistance though as much as an apathy. I want to just get through the day. I want to do my work, my ministry, and then get home and think about reading a book but watching Gilmore Girl's for the 1,000,000th time instead. I want to to do the work, but then I am too tired to work on myself. Then I am tired and overwhelmed and cranky. Then I am showing up but I am not necessarily helping anyone. And this cycle continues until I am totally spent.
Simply, I get so caught up in doing His work that I forget to just be loved by Him. I am no good at sharing His love if I am empty of His love.