http://shereadstruth.com/2015/02/18/suppressing-alleluia/
How bad is it that part of my excitement for Lent is that at the end is Easter and folks Easter is in SPRING? Especially as I sit here with my jeans still a little damp from the snow, and not quite being able to feel my toes inside my Ugg boots I am so thankful that Spring is on it's way! This year for lent I am deciding to add instead of take away. I cannot think of a food item or a social media account that I can get rid of that will really give me what I need out of Lent this year. As you know if you have read any of my other posts or know me in real life (especially if you know me in real life, and especially if you rely on me for things in real life...) I am in probably the busiest season of my life thus far. In this busy season of life I have not been spending enough time with sweet Jesus (guys, the other day the most precious Southern woman said in earnest that she was just relying on God and praying to sweet baby Jesus...love it) and this is apparent in my work and in me stress level. That means that for lent instead of giving up coffee (seriously, no one wants me to do that right now..I would be wretched) or Facebook or chocolate I am adding some time for Jesus. Every day of Lent starting today I will spend 30+ minutes in study and prayer. No matter how much school work I have or e-mails I need to respond to or other things I have to work on I will stop and pause and spend 30 minutes with Him. This will not be easy. I have not always been disciplined in a quite time as it is, so during this busy time it seems impossible. It also seems impossible though to get through the next 5 months without this time. I find time to sleep (because I LOVE to sleep) but I still find myself fatigued and cranky day in and day out. I have very little joy. And I know that it is because I know where my joy comes from and I do not have a lot of him in my life right now. As I read through my first day of the She Reads Truth Lent study this morning I was just convicted over and over to pause, take a breath, and spend some time with my Savior. The last few days I have been thinking about what I should give up and came up with nothing that I thought would really make a change in my life, but as I read just the first few lines of the devotional this morning I was like THIS. this is what I need. I need to take time to rest in Him.
http://shereadstruth.com/2015/02/18/suppressing-alleluia/
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It is really hard for me to believe that we are already 16 days into the year 2015. If I squint my eyes it's like 2014 never even happened as quickly as it flew by. When I look a little harder though I have scars, joys, healing, and growth to show for 2014. I may not have all the healing and growth I was hoping for, but it's a journey. 2014 was my first full year as a big kid. I am still not great at being a big kid. I sleep too much and watch way too much Netflix. It's pretty much like college, with more bills and less time for Netflix. I expected to feel different, and I really don't. I still feel like myself. I just go to work everyday instead of to classes. I miss naps, but I love my job. I failed my first class in 2014. I've never done that. I rarely get less than A. It was a very humbling experience, but after I cried it out, blamed it on other stuff (so mature), I picked a replacement class to take this summer and went on with my life.
I think the best part of 2014 was catching the vision of a great ministry, hopping on board, and planning, training, and getting it going. Now that things are off and running I think the best part of 2015 is going to be this ministry. It's a great feeling to be doing something that I feel God has been slowly calling me to and revealing to me for years. I am lucky to be on the journey with a great best friend. I won't go in to details in this blog but check it out http://www.hadassahgroup.com. Every year I make resolutions but I have decided not to this year. I never stick to all of them. I am also entering into the busiest season of my life thus far. In the midst of this crazy time my goals for this year are to learn as much as I can in the remaining months of grad school, follow God's plan for my life, and be the best me I can be..and survive. Speaking of grad school finishing up this shenanigan will be the second best thing about 2015!!!!! Last piece about 2014, I got to finish it up and start 2015 in Myanmar. I won't say much now but hope to blog more about it over the coming months. It was truly a life changing experience. I was surrounded by such joy and love that I needed so much. 2014 was rough, and I was not mad at all to be half way around the world loving on and receiving love from some amazing kiddos as I said goodbye to it. If you live around here and are considering the Myanmar trip...just do it! This is a messy blog post, but it was a messy year. Happy very belated New Year, and hello 2015!!! This trip has already been so incredible and it's only the end of our second full day of ministry. I have spent two days at the restoration center so far and it has been amazing. Later in the afternoon we also spend time at the orphanage and it fills my heart with so much joy to sit with the children. It is so difficult to communicate with the language barrier, but love speaks in all languages. The kids love to sit near you and hold your hand. I have had my hair braided about a million times which is wonderful for a girl that cannot braid (like almost at all...I'm terrible). I cannot wait to see what else God had in store for us the next few days. Also tonight for dessert I had taro ice cream. I remember liking taro when I was in Hawaii years ago so I was excited to try it since Brian first mentioned it. It did not disappoint!! Thanks for all your prayers and support! I wrote this post back in October. Things have changed a lot since then and I will blog more about that in the future, but as I read over it again this morning I felt that it was worth sharing. I don't know what stopped me from sharing it at the time, maybe still feeling raw and vulnerable, but I think that is what I want my blog to be about. The bloggers I read most and admire most are the ones that share their mistakes and their deep hurt.
Lately I am finding it very difficult to rest in God's plan. I feel like one thing after another is just shutting doors and throwing MY plans out the window. My whole life (maybe not since birth, but since about middle school) I have had a plan. I knew or thought I knew exactly what God was doing with my life. Over the years there was movement and change but it seemed to always come in a peaceful way. I never felt like everything I knew about the plan got thrown out the window. It always felt like things were being added, never that I was having things taken away. As I got older though life started getting harder. I moved. Some of my relationships were lost or got messy due to that. I always felt though after short times of discomfort that I was given more than I had lost. I do not feel that way right now. Passenger says It best "sometimes you gain less than you lose". Part of me still holds that this statement is not true. In my life, in this moment, I feel though that over the last half a year or so I have gained a lot less than I have lost. Just this week I cried out to God in tears and frustration "Something's gotta give..." and the very next day another dream I had been waiting for slipped through my fingers. In this time, in this moment, I find it so difficult to rest in His plan. Some days I cannot even find a moment of peace in His presence. I feel that I cannot even catch my breath some days. Honestly, I feel that I have not truly caught my breath in months. Even when I look at what I have gained and accomplished it is just overshadowed by this looming sadness. I want it all. I want the job. I want the ministry. I want the relationship. I want the new and old friends. I want it all. Even when good things happen I feel that the things I have lost are somehow stealing my joy. And I know that the Enemy is the great stealer of joy. I know that. I tell myself that time and time again. I know it is him. Even though I know it is, I cannot seem to steal back my joy. No matter how I try. No matter how many times I give it over to God. I have no great advice or revelation to end this post with. I am still on the journey. If you are on this journey too, embarrassed and ashamed to feel so lost. So frustrated. So lacking in that peace beyond understanding. You are not alone. I'm there too. Others are there too. God is here with us in this time, even if we do not feel Him. I know that much. I cling to that much. It is hard to believe that two weeks from today I will be in Myanmar! Two weeks from today I will be spending my first day serving at the restoration center. This semester, and this year really, has been a whirlwind. 2014 has held a lot of heartache for me, but also a lot of really exciting new beginnings. I have been planning on going on this trip since May, but I have barely had time to give it a second thought. As this semester of grad school has come to a close I am trying to take these next (less than) 2 weeks to get focused and excited for this trip. I am trying to be excited, instead of getting stressed over all the small details (and some large details) that I have not taken the time to think about. My decision to go on this trip was very much covered in prayer so I know that God is totally in control, but I am a worrier. Even as I am now taking time to think about the trip I feel myself becoming stressed out instead of excited. I am trying to rest in His peace and know that He is sending me and the whole team there for His purpose and that it is going to be a great trip. As I go through these next few weeks preparing and then going on the trip I appreciate all of your prayers.
One of the things I am most nervous and excited about is the training I am going to give to the staff at the restoration center. As a social worker I am very passionate about self-care. I am excited to share some of what I have learned over the last few years with them. I am planning to do a self-care assessment and then have them each do their own self-care plans. I am starting to become very aware of the language barrier. Usually when I give a presentation I just kind of go with the flow. In this setting though I will need to be focused and clear so that the translator will not have trouble communicating my thoughts to the group. I am glad that I still have a week or so and a 17 hour flight to get all the details worked out. Doing something like this has been my dream for the last few years so I am excited to see it unfolding. As the trip sneaks closer and closer my hope and prayer is that life here will slow down so that I can get focused and prepared to be my best self for the people I will be working with on the trip. I am excited to share with you an amazing opportunity I am hoping to embark on this winter. God has given me a huge heart and passion for the restoration of victims of human trafficking and sexual exploitation. Through Uncharted International I have the chance to travel to Myanmar this winter to train the staff members at Uncharted’s restoration center for victims of human trafficking. I encourage you to learn more about Uncharted and all the great work they do in Myanmar, China, and Afghanistan by visiting their website- www.unchartedinternational.org. The restoration center is a new endeavor and I am excited to use my knowledge of social work and experience working with victims of trauma and violence to help the staff better serve these victims.
My passport just arrived Friday!!! I was starting to stress a little bit because it is almost time to apply for our visas. The application was sent off a little later than it should have been but I got it back in just a couple weeks which is definitely an answered prayer. I am planning to use the training I am going to do while I am in Myanmar as my capstone project for graduate school. I am currently pursuing my Masters of Social Work. Thursday I met with my professor to discuss how it will all work. We discussed different counseling approaches and techniques that I could teach to the staff at the center. I am getting really excited about the trip and the training as we start to hash out the details!! It has been a busy, stressful week but I wanted to finally get something up on the blog about the trip! I hope to write more this week once I get caught up on some school assignments! As my city, Evansville, comes in at the top for unhappiest city in yet another poll I cannot help but wonder if our outrage is making any changes. Each time this happens a group of thoughtful citizens who love this city become upset and respond. Speaking out against the media is not changing the answers our citizens are giving. There is something or maybe a lack of something in our city that is making people here very unhappy. I think in some areas we have made improvements in our city. There seem to me to be more things going on around here than when I moved here just 5 years ago. If people are truly unhappy though, no number of concerts in the park and farmers markets is going to fix that. I love those concerts and those farmers markets, you can find me there almost each and every week. I am not saying we do not need those things because we do! We need fresh, local food to keep our families healthy. We need community to keep our families healthy. I am just suggesting that there could be more issues at play here. Evansville has a high population of people experiencing homelessness. As that number grows many of these people are children and families. It seems that the domestic violence shelter I work at is serving more people than ever before. Drugs are rampant in our community. I hear about another couple getting divorced it seems like every day. There is strife in our churches and our workplaces.
We live in a broken community. Speaking out to the people who did the poll just means those speaking out are happy, or want to appear happy. It does not mean that our community is happy and whole. If you do not want our city to stay on the list then instead of tweeting about how happy you are here, look for someone in your life that isn't happy here and try to make this city a better place for them. Reach out to agencies in our community that are doing great work to break the cycle of poverty and end homelessness and get on board with what they are doing to make our community a better place. Bike paths and farmers markets and medical schools are great (and I am excited for them). But I am not sure those things will really make a better community. Some of you may not agree with this, but I believe the answer to our cities brokenness is Jesus. I am proud to go to a church that is doing what we can to not just build a better church, but to build a better city. I think many churches in our community do an excellent job to help people in our community and look for ways to improve their community. If people are still SO unhappy that we come in the top 10 of unhappiest cities though, maybe it is time to reevaluate or just time to use arguments like this to get more people on board with the work they are doing. Many people in our city need to be met not just with their immediate needs but also with the love of Christ. They need to be told that no matter their circumstance, God loves them and is by their side. "Real religion, the kind that passes muster before God the Father, is this: Reach out to the homeless and loveless in their plight, and guard against corruption from the godless world." James 1:27 (MSG) http://www.relevantmagazine.com/slices/map-shows-america%E2%80%99s-%E2%80%98happiest%E2%80%99-and-%E2%80%98unhappiest%E2%80%99-cities I read an article yesterday that really shook me as an advocate and a Christian. The article is about a study by LifeWay research that shows that almost half of pastors do not preach on domestic violence. As the article suggests, and something I agree with, is that pastors are really missing or denying a serious problem in our communities by not preaching on domestic & sexual violence. Too often women (and sometimes men) are sitting in our churches each week maybe alone, maybe next to the person abusing them, hurting and broken but are too ashamed or embarrassed to share this trauma in their life. When churches do not speak out against a problem, that adds to the feeling of shamefulness that surrounds the issue. In some churches women have it so pressed into them to submit to their husbands and not to divorce that they feel they must live with this abuse. As Christians we must stand up for these victims. These victims needs to be told that while the Bible does say that God hates divorce, God also hates abuse. We need to show them it is okay to share their struggle with someone.
Until the 70's and 80's most victims just lived through the abuse, until it started being seen as something that was not okay and grassroots efforts started to stand up for these victims and create shelters, services, and policies to protect and rescue victims. I am proud to work at an agency that came from those grassroots begins 35 years ago. As a Church here we are 40 or so years later still not addressing this issue to the extent that we should. The article mentions it as the "pro-life issue they almost never talk about." Pastors surveyed for the study admitted that they believe domestic violence is a problem in their community and even in their church, but they rarely preach on it or gain training on how to work with victims of abuse. I challenge my friends and readers that are pastors, youth pastors, and leaders in your churches to start talking about this issue. I also challenge you if it is a topic you are uncomfortable with or feel uneducated about, get educated. Seek out training on working with victims of domestic violence. Bring victims the freedom they need to be able to disclose this chaos in their home that hurts them and their children. I challenge those of you who are not in those positions to bring this idea to your churches. Educate yourself on the red flags of domestic violence and sexual assault. If you think you know someone in your church that might be a victim, be a friend to them. You don't have to bring the topic up directly, just show them that you care and can be trusted. Hopefully, when they are ready they will share with you. Start by checking out the article and research: http://www.lifewayresearch.com/2014/06/27/pastors-seldom-preach-about-domestic-violence/ The great lover of people Bob Goff quits something every Thursday. This is one of his top pieces of advice for people. Today is Thursday and there are a lot of things I need to quit. I need to quit worrying. I need to quit trying to run the show (Romans 3:27-28). I am always quick to say that I trust that God knows what He is doing with my life and I am sure He will heal my heart and lead me to better things. The problem is I do not really believe that in my heart. In my heart I am trying to control God's plan for my life. I find myself saying that my hope is in _______ that God has planned and not just saying that my hope is in Him. My hope and trust should be in Him alone and not what I hope He is doing. He knows the desires of my heart, but He also always knows what is truly best for me. People are fallible. We make mistakes. People hurt us. The ones we love hurt us the most sometimes. Through it all God always picks us back up. We can trust in this promise. God has brought me through tough times before. I see in the lives of so many people around me where He has brought them through situations so similar to what I am wading through. I know that I can trust Him, I just have to let go and really trust Him.
Last night in small group while discussing Romans 1-4 we talked about what in the Bible is inconvenient for us, or what we see as the "plank in our eye". For me it has always been worry. On top of general worry lately it has been trying to control my own life instead of trusting in His plan. So today is Thursday and today I am going to quit worrying and start trusting. A couple weeks ago at the end of a long work day I walked into a local coffee shop to write a research paper for my clinical treatment class. Despite how passionate about the topic I am due to life circumstances and being overwhelmed by work and school I was feeling uninspired. I can talk about the injustice of trafficking (specifically domestic minor sex trafficking in the case of this particular paper) all day every day, usually, but I did not in that moment want to sit down and create a well written paper. As soon as I entered the coffee shop I noticed a friend of mine was sitting by the front window. I had not seen him in awhile so I walked over to say hello, I knew I really needed to work but I obviously was open to the distraction and glad to see him. After catching up a little bit, asking about his wife and work, I told him about the paper I came in to write. We spoke for a few minutes about that and other interesting topics (those are for another blog). When we started to say our goodbyes he said something that has really stuck with me since then. "Go change the world, one paper at a time." I had never really thought about how even the assignments I might see as menial, like writing a 10 page paper for a class, are preparing me for my future and are a chance to share my passion now with my professors and my cohort. The news articles and research I read to prepare to write that paper and each paper I write, and the topics I wrote about in that paper helped increase my knowledge base for working with victims of human trafficking. The paper is also being shared with my professor and all my classmates. It made me really disappointed in myself that I had procrastinated so much on that particular paper (and most assignments this semester). I think sometimes, even when I am focusing so much of my chosen studies are trauma and human trafficking, I still see my courses as a thing I must do to get those letters behind my name so I can take steps to doing what I really want to do. I do not always see each lecture, each assignment, each paper as an opportunity to better myself to go and change the world and a chance to share my heart and my passion with my others.
Thanks, Sean! This great friend is also my favorite rapper. Check him out! @iamseanlittle http://iamseanlittle.me/ |
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June 2018
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